Question

I was recently promoted at my office. They hired this new guy to fill in my previous position but he is the worst when it comes to the job. He forgets all the time and his documents are riddled with mistakes. I have cautioned him several times already but his lack of improvement made me sternly discipline the guy. It came to the point where I told my department manager that if he continued, I couldn’t work here any-more. However, recently through a colleague I’ve learned that this new guy is the nephew of someone from the office. To make matters worse, it isn’t just anybody from the office but he is the nephew of my department’s director. Now that I know his “position”, I feel uneasy and nervous for some reason.
Any advice?

Answer

That’s quite the situation you’ve got there. Perhaps by this point your director already knows of this situation. I can see that you may run into some trouble when it comes to reporting your future projects to the director. For this matter, you need two things: Action and Reflection.
More specifically:
1. On a notebook or a piece of paper, write down the top 3 mistakes your new co-worker commonly repeats. It could be too many typos, using the wrong forms in reports, or failing to proof read data. From now on never scold or criticize your new co-worker for these three things you wrote down.

2. Instead of scolding, teach him.
If it takes 10 times to learn then 10, if a 100 then a 100 times, teach him. Teaching new workers is the responsibility of the experienced workers. If you take it step by step, certainly you will find improvements on his side.

3. Try to find the reason why your co-worker is inadequate at his job.
By definition novice workers are not experts at their jobs. It may be necessary for the new workers to receive step by step instructions. Perhaps you are too busy to find the time to properly train him.

4. Try to find the tasks your co-worker is good at.
Doesn’t matter how small it may be. If you start finding his merits, your mind about him will start to change as well.

5. Build a relationship
It will be easy to build a relationship if you follow the steps above. Working at an office is not just about logic but it’s about teamwork, and teamwork is formed upon mutual respect and valuing relationships amongst people. If you make your new co-worker a good worker and a good member, then you will automatically have successful teamwork.

6. Last tip
When your team is in a corner, utilize your new co-worker to your advantage. It will definitely bring you good results.

Question

I’m working in a field where I have to meet with lots of people and it doesn’t really suit my personality.
Sometimes even making eye-contact can be too much for me. I get very self-conscious about making a mistake in front of my clients. So much so that now I get anxious and afraid to even meet people.
Is there a way to get rid of these symptoms?

Answer

Social phobia (Social Anxiety) is known for the fear, anxiety, nervousness and avoidance behavior to certain social situations it causes in people. Talking to strangers, giving a speech in front of an audience and other various social settings tend to trigger this phobia.
Social anxiety, or social phobia, is known to be one of the most prominent psychological disorders in the U.S. and many other developing and developed nations across the world. Some people suffering from this condition find themselves unable to perform in front of an audience and sometimes even find themselves not able to write down words in fear of others reading it.

Social phobia doesn’t disappear easily.
It is not a simple matter of personality or being shy. There is a part of your brain controlling the emotions and specifically the part in charge of the feeling of anxiety. Social phobia is known to trigger this part of your brain. The reason why social phobia is currently more prevalent is because society has reached the highest population densities in history and people meet more people than ever before. In the past, it would have even been hard for one person to meet 1000 people in the course of one’s lifetime. However, now we meet numerous people from workplaces, schools, neighborhoods and even overseas.

Social phobia’s symptoms come as conditioned reflexes.
The symptoms arise not only from the condition of meeting someone but even from the thought of meeting them.

To overcome social phobia, you must start by breaking down the minds you have.
Of course medication therapy and behavioral therapies are available but most of the time they are known to yield temporary results.

Then, first you must acknowledge in your mind that ‘meeting people is okay.’
To overcome with the mind, you must find the cause of why you are reluctant to meet people by looking back at yourself. Once you do, you will find your current self to be just an accumulation of your past selves.
Social phobia is likely to appear by an accumulation of your past self that left a trace in your mind to cause the current anxiety disorder.

Take a moment to carefully look back on the life you have lived, and if you can get rid of that cause through Subtraction Meditation then you can definitely overcome social phobia itself.

Question:

I feel like everyone around me is performing well except me.
Some of my co-workers are quickly advancing up the ladder and are handling more responsibilities. However for me, I just seem to wander from one department to another without really accomplishing much. Now I just find myself measuring myself against my colleagues and I’m having doubts about my position, my career and I feel as if I’m a joke compared to them.

Answer:

There are a lot of great people in this world, but even they worry about their flaws and work hard to improve. There are even cases where celebrities, known for their good looks, think very poorly of their own appearances.

The increased responsibilities and higher authority may be a testament to your coworkers’ capabilities but it may actually be a burden to them. Without the adequate preparations and practice, those advances can be of more harm than good.

Once you are prepared, opportunity will find you.
Thoroughly examine yourself to see if you actually want to get your own chance to move up and what your next steps will be once the opportunity arises.

Especially, look back and see if there were any opportunities that came your way and see how you dealt with them. See if you let the opportunities easily slip away, if you actually valued the opportunities, or if you took charge of the chance or not. Also see what attitude you took upon yourself after you lost the opportunity.

If you cannot take charge of the opportunity, the chances that come to you have no meaning.
Even if it’s just that one chance, no matter how small the opportunity, if you cherish it, then it will find you.
You must prepare yourself and become a person that people can come to for help, as that is opportunity.

Importantly, you have a great advantage under your belt. You have experienced working in numerous departments. Depending on the division of the company, they each have their own mindsets and interests. The fact that you have worked at different positions means that you have an understanding of how things run on various levels with varying perspectives. Companies operate on cooperation. Therefore, coming up with a better consensus from diverse perspectives is a valuable asset for career advancement.
You cannot advance to a managerial position without the ability to see these various angles.

If you improve the utilization of your current skill set and improve upon the shortcomings of your past, then opportunities will find you and you will be able to fully take charge of them.

Good luck!

Question

Now that fall is here, I’m increasingly feeling lonely. I sleep a lot and can’t focus when I work. No matter what I do, everything seems to be lacking. No matter what I do these days, I feel lonely.

Answer

As the seasons point away from summer, the daylight hours tend to get shorter and the duration you are exposed to sunlight thus decrease. In reaction to the decrease in light, the body secretes increased doses of the hormone, melatonin, which tends to cause a temporary feeling of loneliness and downed emotions.
There are people who are more sensitive to this change and easily fall into depression.
If you are one of those people, then take this as an opportunity to overcome it.

First, adjust to a lifestyle with a regulated and balanced diet with the necessary nutrition.
A lifestyle with order and regulation will help you keep a rhythm that you can maintain.

Instead of psychologically forcing yourself to fight through the loneliness, you must accept that you are indeed, lonely. When you accept the emotion, you will no longer be controlled by it but will be able to control it.
Many among the famous and great minds of the past had loneliness within them.
Some directed their loneliness to create art; some used the loneliness to ponder into their minds, or to express their loneliness to their surroundings.
You do not need to force a smile to pretend you are okay. If you reach out, you can receive help from those around you.
Take a moment to listen to the advice given to you, and you may discover why you are feeling lonely and it may become an opportunity to change all that.

Self-reflection is also an effective method to overcome loneliness.
Loneliness may come from both happy and unhappy memories of your past, or even from your tendencies.
If you solve the problems of your past through reflecting back on yourself, it will be of tremendous help in overcoming your loneliness.

Question

“I’m an office worker in my early 30s, worked my way up at the company I work for, and have pretty much settled down. When I first started my work, I had a lot of passion and had areas that I wanted work in. I had so many ideas that I wanted to bring to life that I often found myself living at work. Days have gone by and now that I’ve gotten used to the regime, I find myself asking “Is this the right work for me?” and jobs that I haven’t tried till now start to come to mind. I’m seeing some of my friends quit their jobs to travel or to do something else with their lives. What should I do?

Answer

If you are having doubts about your work and you feel like your flame has died out, it may be beneficial take a moment or two to recoup.  At those moments, how about you think about the following?

1. Write down what you think are the most important factors when choosing your line of work.

• Pay rate, professional achievement, growth potential, job location, etc.

2. Write down what you think is important in your current work life.

3. Now, look at what you have written down and take a moment to think why those things are so important to you.

• Try considering: what you studied at school, the dreams you had, the meaning of your work, working conditions etc.
• The most important thing is thinking that you are the most important, that it is your decision.

4. Considering all these things, see what you really want to do and want to head towards.

• Doesn’t matter if you are doing them now, or if it’s something else.

Question

“I have a job that requires my smile. For that, a lot of people think I am always happy. But in truth, that is not the case at all. Especially these days I have no motivation for anything and my migraines have gotten worse”

Answer

Often workers, especially those in the service industry, are subjected to emotional labor. This type of behavior required in emotional labor is called ‘surface acting.’ It refers to an act toward clients, regardless of one’s own mood. Kind and caring treatment towards all clients in various working conditions is required. At times the workers need to put their professional roles ahead of their physical or emotional hardships.

Some workers of the emotional labor industry have said this.

“I don’t know what I’m feeling. I don’t know which is the real me. I don’t even feel intimacy when I’m with my family” For these people, it seems that their professional training to give service comes out automatically even when they are with their family.

1

The very first step is to own your emotions. Your work and your emotions must be separated. Make some time for yourself to subdue your emotions and to ‘self-reflect’ upon all your emotions. Through self-reflection you can recognize your own emotions and recover your ‘self’.

2

It is also important to receive emotional warmth from people who are close to you. Maintaining and nurturing your emotions through good relations with your coworkers, family, friends, colleagues and others around you will be remarkably helpful.

3

At times, it is necessary to have a hobby that allows you to shake off the emotions (ex. vigorous exercise).

1. Organize: Make the workspace comfortable

2. Stretch: Loosen up your body

3. Meditate: Take a brief moment to self-reflect

4. Smile: Let it out

5. Gratitude: Take on a grateful mindset

6. Plan: Create a To Do list for the day

Question

“I’ve been working for this company for three years now. Recently, I was relocated to the main headquarters from anexternal rotation program. Now, I find myself tormented by this senior coworker. He started commenting on my work, now he is picking on me for the way I dress. I know that I am not the best dresser out there, but I don’t see the importance in my style as long as I my work gets done properly. Sigh… now he calls me up separately once a week to pester me with this and that. I have thought about transferring out or even quitting work because of this coworker. What should I do? Any advice would be great.”

Answer

I’m not sure if the reason your coworker is pestering you is solely about your clothes but if so, how about touching up on your dress code?
At a place where many people congregate, it may be important on how you present yourself by the way you dress. It may not be about grabbing everyone’s attention by dressing up, but it is important to dress to fit the setting. That’s why it is about the right T(Time), P(Place), O(Occasion).

1. See what kind of clothes are in your wardrobe

• Is there only one style of clothing?
• Are there only clothes that I find comfortable?
• Has it been a while since you last shopped for clothes?
• Think about your laundry cycles too.

2. Think about how you pick your clothes.

• Do you wear whatever your parents get you?
• Do you copy the style on your favorite actors/actresses?
• Do you buy off the mannequins at the store?

3. Let’s find the clothes that are right for you.

• Think about the style in how your colleagues dress: on their way to work or during meetings.
• See how your clothes differ from theirs.
• Look for the clothing styles of your girlfriend’s or girl friend’s favorite celebrities.
• Then ask the people around you to which celebrity’s style you would look best in.

4. Now, wear it out!

• Try on the clothes that you’ve been recommended or from the style of celebrities that suits you best.
• From those, find the ones that fits your form and are comfortable.
• Then, from the clothes you picked, ask your girlfriend or girl friend how you look in them.

Voila, now you can find a style outside your wardrobe that you like to wear.

Documents and reports that take days to read, meetings that I must attend, all the work that I’m responsible for… I always thought I was swamped with too much work. I always had a work migraine. After a deep breath, I would look around but all my coworkers were on the same boat.

According to a research, you subjected to 4.2 hours of stress a day on average (Average of 40 Mins on your way to work, 30% or 2.4 hrs on a 8 hour working day, 1 hour of 2.5hrs of alone time ex. having a pint of beer)

When you are subjected to stress for 20% of your day, your own method to manage that stress is crucial.

Steve Jobs, Albert Einstein, Mark Zuckerberg would often wear the same clothes every day to reduce decisional stress, and would at times take a moment to reset their minds.

Many people drink coffee, take a nap, workout or have a drink.

For me, I mediate. Meditation allows my mind to calm down, increase attention to detail and reduce stress by allowing me to observe, rethink and review stressful situations. I visit the meditation centre or take a moment to look outside the window while in transit to meditate. These moments are extremely helpful for me to organize my mind and reduce stress.

Pause and stop your complicated thoughts. That repetitive life will change.